23 October 2012

Ask her to marry you. For me.

So, recently I was talking to Allen (and for those of you who don't know, Allen is a woman, and her parents just spelled her name that way and I've never gotten a really good reason for that), and the thing is, I end up talking to her all the time about things that I meant to never tell anyone. I can't help it with her, because she is the best. The absolute most awesome*. And she always has a joke ready for your bad day. Allen is the kind of capable, strong, brilliant, funny, confident woman I want to be when I grow up.

I told her that I'm feeling like a failure because I'm pretty much 31, and I've never been asked to be a bridesmaid (see previous post for more mentions of this).

Honestly, it does make me a bit anxious. I wonder if I'm the kind of woman who can make really good women friends. I worry. If you're basically 31 and you've never even been asked to hold someone's dress up while they pee on the most important day of their lives (as far as they know), then... maybe you haven't really been a good friend to any woman you know. Or maybe the cynicism of that little "as far as they know" comment seeps into your everyday attitude, and your friends think, "Nija's awesome and smart but she wouldn't make a good bridesmaid."

And they might be right. I might be a *really crappy* bridesmaid. But right now, I desperately want to help plan someone else's wedding and tie a hundred squares of lace into little packages around candied almonds. Though I will not be able to stop myself suggesting that candied almonds are actually totally gross and jelly beans would be better.

I reckon my sister would have asked me, but she had a Hindu ceremony, and Hindu ceremonies essentially just include THE ENTIRE FAMILY rather than just a select group. There are no bridesmaids. And I wasn't even able to help plan any of it, because most of the planning happened in India, while I was in my sophomore year of high school, or over the summer that I spent at nerd camp.

Yes, I believe nerd camp may indeed have had something to do with the bridesmaid problem in my life.

Anyway, I was talking to Allen, who was my neighbour for, what, 5 years about this the other day, and  she said, "Tell Lance."

Lance is her boyfriend. They have been together for over a year and they seem awesome.

I thought she was half joking, so I said, "Wow! Y'all are serious!" and left it there.

Then, the other day, when I posted my bridesmaid anxiety on the blog, Allen left a comment that is just Lance's email address.

Now, as hilarious as that hint is, we all have our lines, and I won't publish someone's personal email address on this blog, because that would be a cruel thing to do, especially since I know my legions of fans** would flood his inbox with anything from insistence to exhortation that he ask Allen to marry him.

But I will publish this post.

Lance. Dear Lance.

Ask Allen to marry you.

I need to be a bridesmaid.

And more importantly: Allen is the absolute most awesome.

Any comments exhorting Lance to propose will be published.

*That is some turn of phrase, hey? I sure can turn a phrase until its neck snaps off like some mafia-trained gangster with an order to murder phrases because they're horning in on my territory.
**almost no fans

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